


"So by the way, I'm not cis."

by Homestuck (MCU_is_awesome)



Series: The Bigender Jade Harley Chronicles [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abrupt Ending, Bigender Character(s), Bigender Jade Harley, Coming Out, Confused John Egbert, Dialogue Heavy, F/F, Gender Identity, John Egbert Does Not Understand The Gender Spectrum But He Tries, Kanaya Maryam/Karkat Vantas Moirallegiance, Minor Calliope/Jane Crocker/Roxy Lalonde, Minor Eridan Ampora/Sollux Captor/Feferi Peixes, Multi, Out of Character, Supportive Dave Strider, Supportive Karkat Vantas, Surprise Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-31
Updated: 2017-08-31
Packaged: 2018-12-22 06:10:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11961345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MCU_is_awesome/pseuds/Homestuck
Summary: Coming out isterrifying.If you have the right people backing you, it can be a bit easier.





	"So by the way, I'm not cis."

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!! So I've been writing fic for a loooong time, but this is the first time in a while I've decided to actually share it?? And my first Homestuck fic. And my first time posting it to AO3. xD This is likely horribly OOC (especially Rose?), as this is my first time ever attempting any of these characters. I am aware. I am sorry in advance.
> 
> (I regret nothing other than everything)
> 
> Other note: Jade's gender identity is entirely self-projection. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask! ^u^ Building off of that, **you may notice that Jade switches between male and female pronouns randomly throughout the story, from sentence to sentence, paragraph to paragraph.** Please know this was done on purpose! You will learn more about Jade's gender identity as the story progresses.

It started out subtly.

“I could so beat you in a contest of ‘who’s more masculine’, don’t even lie to yourself, fool!”

“Right, okay Jade, keep telling yourself that if it helps you sleep at night.”

“I could! Look at these strong burly arms. Grrrrrr.”

“Right now, you look about as burly as a young, stray kitten who’s just lost her mother.”

“Ouch, Dave, ouch.”

Gradually, it became less so.

“But like… I could be a great boyfriend. The best, in fact.”

“Mmm.”

“I could! The bestest.”

“I’m sure your level of ‘great boyfriend skills’ would be about the same as your grammar.”

“Hey!”

And then it was the opposite of subtle.

“You’d still like me if I was a boy, right?”

“Uh… yes? You know I’m into... humans of the male gender. And, um. Others.”

“...Right.”

Though she liked to think that she was a patient person, Dave could really be an idiot sometimes! It was like he did not understand what she was trying to say at all! Stupid boys.

Well. Most of them.

“So Dave… I’m bigender.”

“Cool... Wait you’re what.”

“Haha yeah, bigender! Tooooootally cool right? Awesome! Bye, gotta go do, some, stuff? Hah. Hah! See you around!”

“Jade!”

Karkat, on the other hand, was a lot less totally oblivious about it, and a lot more confused. Oh, her boys.

However, unlike with Dave, she didn’t beat around the bush.

“So by the way, I’m not cis.”

“The fuck? You’re not what?”

“Cis! You know, like, cisgender. The trans equivalent of being straight.”

“Oh goddamnit, you mean those stupid, hoofbeastmanure labels you incredibly insipid humans insist on assigning to yourself?”

“Karkat! This is really important to me!”

“Okay, okay, sorry, uh. What’s cisgender got to do with anything again?”

(Nothing could shut Karkat up faster than his boyfriends.)

Overall, though, coming out to her boyfriends was a lot easier than coming out to her friends! Don’t get her wrong, she loved Rose and John, but explanations were so hard when people just don’t get it! Why couldn’t anything just be easy?

* * *

The morning of October 11, 11:47 AM, a loud THUMP reverberated throughout the otherwise-peaceful home, accompanied by a chorus of cursing and flailing. A sleepy, bedridden head poked out from over the edge and began giggling, only to be joined by a second, smirking face.

“Why good morning, Sleeping Beauty. How was your nap?”

“Fuck you!”

“You wish.”

“Dave, get off of me, I have to pee!”

“What if I was into that?”

“DAVE!”

Forty-five minutes and forty-five headaches later, one cross-eyed Karkat found himself on the receiving end of a squish-fest, courtesy of his hyper-active girlfriend.

“Good morning Karkat! I made breakfast.”

“...nutrition.”

“Sausages and pancakes and––”

“Eggs, oh my!” intoned Dave, in a sort of drawling tone, swooping down with a sort of flair only he could pull off to Karkat’s level and stealing him away from Jade for a kiss.

“Boyfriend stealer!” cried Jade dramatically, literally hopping away on one foot to flip the pancakes.

“...food.”

“Aww, is someone still sleepy? Don’t worry hubby, it’s only 12:30 PM, it’s not like it’s way too late to only just be rolling out of bed, or anything.”

Karkat glared at him. “You woke up at the same time, you insufferable, worthless nimrod. And I’m hungry.”

“Not too early to be slinging insults I see?”

“Suck a bulge and choke on it to death.”

“Only for you, baby.”

Jade shuffled them both down to the table and rolled her eyes as two steaming plates of food magically appeared in front of them both. “You’re welcome.”

“Thanks, Jade,” they said together, before glancing over at each other and shuddering.

“Mhmm.”

For all of ten minutes, there was a sense of tranquility –– or as close to it as one could get when all three household members were awake, as they absorbed their food and as Jade dissolved into peals of laughter every thirty seconds when Dave flung food at either and/or both of them at once, only for Karkat to get more and more irritated. Towards the end of the meal, Dave glanced at the clock. “Hey… weren’t we supposed to be at Rosemary’s in ten minutes?”

The string of swearing, paused earlier, resumed.

* * *

 “...relationship cancelled. There it goes, bye bye relationship!”

“I just rang the doorbell, so fucking chill out, both of you.”

Jade and Karkat turned to Dave, Karkat glaring, Jade with a look of utter annoyance. “If someone had simply set the alarm like it was their turn to do, then ––”

At that moment, the door opened, and Kanaya stepped out. “Jade, Dave, Karkat, it’s lovely to see all of you, come in.” In the instant he stepped in, Jade was assaulted by a massive force that could only mean one thing.

“JAAAAAADE! WE HAVEN’T SEEN EACH OTHER IN FOREVER! HI!”

“Hehehehe, hi John!” she giggled out as he enveloped her, annoyance from a mere minute ago quickly fading. “It’s really been too long, hasn’t it?!”

“Yeah! Oh, hi Dave, hi Karkat!”

“Wow, second to the chicks? Whatever happened to our sacred Bro Pact?”

The top of Dave’s foot was quickly acquainted with the bottom of Karkat’s.

“OWWAH-lright alright, chicks and bros, chicks and bros but the sacred Bro Pact reigns supreme above all else, that is, our specific pact we made when we were twelve, not that it represents all bros of course, of which there are others that may have gotten attention over me, because––”

John, looking baffled, cut him off. “Pssh, Dave, stop rambling and just give me a hug already! It’s good to see you too!”

“Uh-huh.”

“Good evening, David,” came another voice from behind the massive head of black hair obscuring Dave’s vision.

“Rose, it’s 1:30, don’t play your passive aggressive mind games with me. Sorry we were late,” he said, rolling his eyes behind his shades.

“Which I might like to add, we would not have been, if this primitive, almighty nookstain had simply done his agreed-upon job––”

“Not again––”

“Instead of being a grubshitting lackadaisical mothergrubfucker––”

“Karkat,” Kanaya chose that minute to turn to her moirail and, finally, hug him. “It’s wonderful to see you. I miss you, you haven’t visited in a while. Blowing me off for your matesprits?”

Karkat positively melted against her. “Kanaya––”

“Karkat,” she hummed, casually shushing him. “I was teasing you.”

“Fucking whipped,” cackled Dave from three feet away.

Karkat was suddenly feeling too dazed to even manage a simple middle finger in his general direction, so he settled for simply pushing away from Kanaya and sending her a weak smile. “Good to see you too.”

Jade’s voice suddenly snapped him out of his haze. “Oh, Kanaya, hi!” She gave the girl a quick hug. “Were Roxy and Jane and Calliope able to make it?”

Rose cut in. “They cancelled last minute on account of… ‘other plans’,” she smirked.

“Awww. What about Feferi and Sollux, weren’t they supposed to be here too, dragging Eridan along?”

“Feferi and Sollux were also otherwise preoccupied, and without them, Eridan refused to come.”

“What about Tavros?”

“Stuck dogsitting last minute, I’m afraid.”

“So it’s just us then?”

“It certainly appears that way.”

“BETA HUMANS SLEEPOVER FUN TIME!” burst out John, turning to Jade with a grin on his face.

“YEAH!”

“Dude, there’s two trolls.”

“BETA HUMANS AND TWO TROLLS SLEEPOVER FUN TIME!”

“...right.”

* * *

The bottle spun around and around theatrically with the sort of poise only an empty Coke bottle could have. The sound of bubbling tee-hee-hees and ha-ha-has rose up slightly from the assorted parties present, as a boy with long, black hair down to his bottom leaned into his brother of similarly colored hair (albeit much shorter) and muffled her laughter against his shoulder. John, on the other hand, didn’t bother.

“Aaaaand bingo. Truth or dare, Rosalie dearest.”

“Why thank you, David. Dave.” A chorus of “ooooo”s rang out from the assorted group, but neither blonde-haired sibling gave any acknowledgement of such. Dave reached over into the hat sitting at this side and pulled out a thin slip of notebook paper.

“Dare,” he read. “Make out with your significant other(s) for two full minutes… no this is stupid who in god’s name wrote this one?”

The black-haired set of siblings grinned widely at each other, giving no indication as to which one of them actually wrote it. Dave stared at both of them, impassive behind his glasses.

“Gladly,” said Rose, turning to Kanaya, who had a dusting of green on her cheeks. Lips parted ever-so-slightly, her black-colored lips connected to her partner’s without haste or caution.

Dave groaned. “Get a fucking room, you two.”

As they continued, John grabbed the bottle. “My turn!” he shouted, excited. He spun the bottle as fast as he could, and it went flying behind him, under the couch, making quite a noisy BOOM! as it hit the backboard underneath the couch. Unnoticing, uncaring, or perhaps both at once, the two girls continued to “make out”, now well past the deemed time of two minutes. Rolling her eyes, Jade got up and retrieved the bottle.

Around it spun again, this time gentler, almost gracefully. Its recipient, already half-naked, growled.

“KARKAT! What a lovely surprise! TRUTH OR DARE?!”

“For the love of a grubfisting doucheshitting sparklefuck… dare.”

“WOOHOO! Dare. Karkat, you have to… kiss a boy in the room who hasn’t yet been kissed during this game. Well, that’s impossible, because all the boys in the room have already been kissed during this game, so I guess you’ll just have to take off your pants, he he he, and––Karkat?!”

Uncaring of John’s continued blabbing, Karkat had already turned to Jade, grabbed his face in his hands, and kissed him full-on, on the lips. The room’s noise had ceased. Jade pulled out of the kiss and gave her friends an alarmed look. “I––”

“Karkat, what a rude thing to imply about Jade! Jade’s not a boy, don’t be mean!”

“Uh, yes he is––”

“Karkat!” It was now Dave’s turn to repay the favor from earlier and stomp not-so-discreetly on Karkat’s foot.  
“Oww –– what the fuck? What did I do?” He glanced to Kanaya for help, but all she could offer was a confused shrug. John and Rose were staring at Jade in a mixture of shock, confusion, and a weird sense of fascination. The girl in question, however, looked horrified as he glanced from friend to friend.

“I believe Jade here has something she’d… he’d? Like to tell us. Jade?”

“I––I––”

“Lalonde, now is not the time,” Dave growled as he stood up and walked over quickly to his girlfriend. “Jade? Some air now?”

“R-right…”

“Come on,” he said, hauling him up by his armpits and practically dragging him out.

The group started at the door they had walked out of. “What the fuck?”

“You just outed Jade.”

The troll boy had no words, and simply stared at Rose with an expression that could only be defined as the exemplification of typing “???”.

“Let me explain.”

* * *

One hour and one puffy, red-eyed, sniffling Jade later, the pair of Dave-and-Jade walked back into the house, Jade leaning heavily on Dave.

“She’s not obliged to explain,” Dave said immediately.

“Of course we wouldn’t expect her to.”

“Yeah.”

“Dave––Dave, it’s fine. It’s fine. I don’t mind. I––Dave! Chill. It’s cool. I’m fine, really.” She turned to her friends. “I suppose I should really just say it––I’m bigender.”

John was the first to speak up. “Oh, is that like… the same as, that one thing… bi… sexual?”

A giggle that sounded entirely too light for the time came from Jade. “No, gender and sexuality aren’t the same, silly.”

“So… two… genders? How does that even work?”

“John Egbert––” hissed Karkat, eyes narrowed dangerously. John gulped.

“No, that’s––that’s fine. That’s a valid question. Uhm, I suppose it’s like––I––I identify as both male and female. At the same time. All the time. I mean it’s different for everyone, some people are more fluid, or they identify as different genders, or both, but––” she glanced over at John, who looked baffled and took a deep breath. “I’m getting ahead of myself. I am a girl… and a guy.”

John stared at her. “...Right, I don’t get it. How can you be both?”

At the same time, both Karkat and Jade began. “How wouldn’t you be able to be––”

“I… I don’t know? I just, am?” They looked at each other. Jade blushed.

“Likely, it is a product of the societal connotations of gender, and being alone on an island growing up, so when Jade was introduced to such connotations, he was not used to them.”

“I––”

“Of course these issues tend to further enforce prior gender roles instead of attempting to get rid of them, but––”

“Uh––”

“––as I stated, Jade is from an island, so she might not––”

“Lalonde, shut the fuck up.” At the point Dave finally spoke up, Jade was in tears, snot once again dripping down his chin, towards the floor.

“A––”

“Rose, dearest, maybe we should take a walk.”

She glanced at her closest friend and nodded.

John was left alone with the triad. “Uh, so…” He took a deep breath. “I don’t really… get it? But… I mean I guess I’ll just have to try. Uhm.”

Jade swerved to look at him. “Really?”

“Well yeah, I don’t know what you thought––oof!”

“Thank you.”

“Heh… you’re welcome? Can I ask a question?”

“Yes!”

“Isn’t Jade a girl’s name? If you’re a… dude too? Why do you use that name?”

Laughter poured off of the girl, tears quickly turning happy. “Out of all the questions, that’s what you lead with?”

“Uh…”

“I love you, John.”

“You too, Jade. But I’m serious!”

“Because Jade has always been my name, stupid. Anyway, assigning genders to names is lame.”

“...Right.”

* * *

“Can we go home?” whispered Jade, three hours later, when Rose and Kanaya had not yet returned.

“Yeah, we can,” replied Dave. Karkat immediately jumped and and went to gather their things.

“Are you leaving?” whined John. “We haven’t even stayed up all night watching terrible movies, though.” The pout dripped all over his words.

“Another time, John.”

“Aww, alright. I’m going to make Rose get over herself, though!”

“...Thanks, John.”

“See you around, Jade!”

“See you soon, John!”

* * *

Three days later, she opens the door to find Rose.

“I’m not cis either.”

That… is not what she was expecting.

“What?”

“I’m. Not cis.”

“Uuuum…”

“I’m AMaB.”

“Rose––come in.” They moved to the sitting room. “The boys are out seeing some movie I didn’t feel like watching. Why didn’t you––why did you––when I came out.” Rose nodded. “Why did you have to make it all about me being from an island? As if… as if that had anything to do with... us “islanders” are just less civilized, right? My gender is just because I don’t know any better?”

“Jade, no, that’s not what I meant! I swear. I was… jealous.”

“Jealous? Jealous of what?! The constant dysphoria, the knowing that you will never be able to fit in with your gender the way you so desperately want to? No offense, but you pass! You’re binary! You don’t get what it’s like to… like to...” she trailed off, obviously upset. “You’re normal.”

Rose laughed in a hollow sort of tone. “Normal? I’m transgender! By what standards are we defining ‘normal’? ‘Binary’? Really? I was jealous because you looked so, so supported by your boyfriends. I realized I was trans when I was seven. I didn’t even know it was a thing that existed.”

The boy she was talking to broke. “I’m sorry Rose, I’m sorry, I––this sucks sometimes, it really does. I wish it could just be easy. I’m just a boy, I can transition and get it over with. Is that selfish of me, calling that easy?” She did not allow time for Rose to respond. “I constantly think I’m only female as a product of my upbringing, because it’s easy, it’s what I’m used to and attached to and I’m not really a girl, just pretending, or I’m only male because that of the social complexities surrounding it, or that I’m only bigender so I don’t have to commit, so I can be part of the ‘cool’ crowd or something, and I…” he fiddled with the hem of his shirt, and whispered, “...it was supposed to be easy, you know. After we won the game. It was supposed to be easy.”

“And instead we ended up with a set of places just as vast and complex as our own home used to be, and it’s not easy. But nothing ever is, is it?”

“No,” he sighed. “It never is.”

**Author's Note:**

> So that was... something? Yes I know there is much to be worked on _I will get there_ eventually? The more I reread this the more I realize this was barely a fic and almost entirely a rant instead. ;D I wrote this entire thing in two days, one of which was from 1AM-3AM. Sue me. And this is also vastly unedited. I glanced over it like, once. Characterization is hard. Especially these dudes. Oh, Homestuck.
> 
> Questions/comments/concerns? Drop a review! :)
> 
> (And don't forget to hit the kudos button validation is how I LIVE.) (Kidding.) (Mostly.)


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